This is not your regular travel blog. You will not read about the best places to go or what kind of food to eat. This is a journey. This is an inner journey, a journey of expansion, of diving into the moment, of surrender, of letting go. A journey of waking up to the lie I was told to live.
We all want to feel good. We all want to be free from all the conditioning. How to do it? How to shut down the mind and follow your bliss? How do you listen to the soft whispers of your heart and stand in your own strength? I will share with you my intimate healing journey of discovering meditation and tantra and following whatever excites me.
I used to look at myself in the mirror and didn’t like what I saw. I was praying that I’d be beautiful one day. My voice trembled when I sang. My whole posture showed many years of talking down to myself. My neck and shoulders were hurting from the feeling of unworthiness. I didn’t realize this was only my imagination, the dream I had created.
This journey starts the moment I set foot in India. I discovered the healing capacities of my body and my mind. Together with music I entered the unknown. The words entered as I started to listen to the silent whispers from within.
All of my fears and insecurities were so strong most of my life. I was never able to express the true voice that I am. But now I’m ready. I don’t give a fuck anymore what anyone thinks of me. My voice is ready, I’m ready. I’m here on a mission, to express my true self so you can see that we are one. I’ve chosen to take you on this journey without a face, only my voice, so you will not be distracted by the false appearance of my face, my body, which is not me. May my voice be heard not with your mind, but with your heart.
1. Do What You Love
The moment I left home at 18 and 5 years later, when I booked a one-way ticket to Bangkok Thailand, I decided to enjoy my freedom. My heart was always beating loudly to the rhythms of working life and structure, an unpleasant feeling. Now, it’s MY life, nothing to hold on to; no mortgage, marriage, children, no studies, only freedom. I love my freedom. Who are you to take it from me? Who am I to take it from someone else? The younger generation is creating bigger gaps in life. We postpone marriage and having children. Many of us decide to study and then travel to enjoy our twenty’s. Times are changing. We take time to discover ourselves, what we love to do in life. It’s a great progress. It’s never too late. My mother started travelling as soon as her children had left home. Then, we realize that we don’t want to “get stuck.” The freedom we first taste is something so precious, that we want more of it, we want it always. We can’t forget it.
“This is the one!” Excited to start creating again, I took my new black travel guitar home. Home was Thailand, a beautiful apartment with a pool and a bike to ride. I was teaching English to cute little Thai kids, and after work it was time for sundowners on the beach.
I didn’t write any new songs in almost three years, and I was getting the itch again. I started writing down the words that were stuck in my head since the night before; memories of traveling around Thailand and Asia. Teaching, eating, loving, beaching and “Do What You Love” was born.
From that moment the tone was set, wherever it was going to take me. The adventures gave me new inspiration and guided me to listen closer to the desires of my heart. It was almost three years of living abroad in Thailand. I was single, happy and living the dream. My mindset when I started traveling, and even before that moment, was: ‘If it’s not the one, I’m not settling.’ It got very serious twice, and twice my heart was broken. I’d fallen in love too hard. I started wondering: Why is it that the moment I fall in love, it falls apart?
When it came to love and traveling… it never lasted. It was energy connecting and disconnecting again. We’d share the most intimate moments together and then… nothing. We leave each other be, with wonderful memories to take home with us, wherever home may be. We’d have some quick words through messenger or a skype call, every once in a while. “Yeah we’ll meet again, sure.” Travelers live freely, so letting go becomes so easy. If we do see each other again, amazing! If not, it’s all good too.
I thought I found a good looking young man, who’s passionate about life and work. Someone who has his shit together, a healthy mindset and is open to spirituality. As a 27 year old woman you unintentionally criticize men on being able to maintain a healthy relationship, and be a good father too. I received a brief message through Messenger, in which he told me it wasn’t going to work out. A week later I discover that he was seeing someone else. I wrote a song called “Goodbye” and quickly moved on from my last heart-break.
Together with my new black travel guitar, I decided to completely immerse myself in my love for music. Shortly after, I received a message on Youtube from a producer from the USA, saying he was interested in helping me with my singing career. We started doing singing lessons twice a week and we had several skype sessions which included going through my own written songs and some of his. He said: “you’ll have to start seeing yourself as a product.” So we decided on the look and the vibes. I asked my mother to fly over to Thailand to support me during this time, she was in India. With no hesitation, she immediately flew over. I signed the contract with the producer, that same night Prince passed away. I was ready to completely surrender to Do What I Love. Write music, travel, create and inspire others to get out of their comfort zone and follow their hearts and their dreams. I did not see myself as a product, but as a soul that wanted to express. In that expression show others the amazing possibilities of life and creation.