At 17, I had to decide what I wanted to become, for the rest of my life. How was I going to do that? I didn’t even know who I was. I wanted to become a singer, but I already knew I wasn’t the only one. The music school didn’t take my audition, in X-factor me and my brother got through 3 rounds. That was that. Society told me I couldn’t. My heart knew that children’s energy and creativity is always good, my heart also knew that this way of educating and living was not for me. It was too planned, too set, too structured, the children wanted to break free, I wanted to break free! How were we going to function in world where we couldn’t even just BE?
“I didn’t pick you because you sing so well…” the producer said to me, during one of our many Skype meetings. We also had to keep my age a secret because “27 is too old to become a star.” My mother overheard this, and according to her this was violent communication; violent, because it hurts. After an intense discussion via Skype, the contract ended.
I gathered my strength and decided to do it myself. I released my first song and video with the help of four friends. As soon as I chose music, the stars aligned and made a dream come true, almost immediately. I had always pretended to be in one, singing and dancing in front of the mirror when I was a little girl.
Soon after the release of the video, my mother advised me to quit my teaching job in Thailand. She told me to travel to India, to continue with my music there. It seemed like a good idea, but I was also a little hesitant. I loved my dream life in Thailand, I loved being a teacher. Saying goodbye to the kids was very difficult.
I needed to feel safe to take the next step. I’m not talking about financial safety. I’ve always had my own money and savings. I meant mental and emotional safety. I felt that I needed my mother, her comforting words and all the knowledge she has about spirituality. I was more open to follow this path. My soul needed to be nurtured by motherly love and even celibacy. It was time to step away from the life with no boundaries, to go on a journey deeper into myself. India seemed like the perfect place to do this. I went along with it, for the sake of music and to start a brand new chapter.